Revisiting the Disc – A Review of “Guards! Guards!” by Terry Pratchett

“There used to be some old prophecy or something, “ said Brother Plasterer. “ My grandad told me.” His eyes glazed with the effort of dramatic recall.” “Yea, the king will come bring Law and Justice, and know nothing but the Truth, and Protect and Serve the People withi his Sword.” You don’t all have to look at me like that, I didn’t make it up.” – p.24 

One of the tamer Josh Kirby covers

"“Throw the book at him, Carrot.”
“Right, sir.”
Vimes remembered too late.
Dwarfs have trouble with metaphors.
They also have a very good aim.
The Laws and Ordinances of Ankh Morpork caught the secretary on the forehead. He blinked, staggered, and stepped backwards.
It was the longest step he ever took. For one thing, it lasted the rest of his life.” – p.388

Guards! Guards! is the story about a moribund City Watch finding its purpose after dragon attacks become a nightly problem in Ankh-Morpork. It’s also the story of ordinary resentment (and petty evil) getting out of hand and I guess it’s also technically the story of Ankh-Morpork’s rightful King unwittingly (or perhaps wittingly) choosing to serve his people as a guardsman rather than as ruler. But most importantly this is the story of how Sam Vimes, Captain of the Night Watch, goes from drunk in the gutter to the bastion of law and order fans of Discworld know and love. (Most anti-hero cops in fiction seem to have a drink problem, Vimes on the other hand starts off so rock bottom he’s practically bathing in magma)

It's at this point that I hesitate to write more in this review other than that brief synopsis. Guards! Guards! came out in 1989 and so as far as I can tell there are only three potential readers of this review. 1) Discworld fans 2) Friends who want to make sure everything is OK and check that me writing again isn’t a subtle cry for a help and 3) random Internet people who clicked on the link by accident. Of those categories the first one already know the plot of Guards! Guards!, the second don’t care and the third probably haven’t gotten this far. Needless to say in an age of Wikipedia, those who actually want a more detailed synopsis can go there – it’s all spoilers from now on!

The other reason I hesitate – though only momentarily otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this – is that I’m currently re-reading the Discworld novels and so it’s hard to separate the different themes from each other. (That’s not to say they are all the same – plot wise they are wildly different – but like Chesterton with his paradoxes, Pratchett loves finding the magic in ordinary people and events alongside a very bleak view on human nature.) It’s alll too easy to just view Guards! Guards! as an early entry into the “Revitalising a moribund institution” category alongside the Moist von Lipwig trilogy and the later City Watch novels. It’s also very hard not to see the Patrician’s speech about how good people “put together little rafts of rules and vaguely good intentions [on the great sea of ordinary evil] and say, this is the opposite, this will triumph in the end” (p.392)** and compare it with Death’s famous speech in the Hogfather or Moist Von Lipwig’s entire philosophy as a con-man.

Lord Vetinari as played by Charles Dance

That being said, taken as itself Guards! Guards! remains a funny and yet fascinating book. Funny with all the characteristic wordplay, slapstick, parody and flair Pratchett was so rightly famous for, fascinating in just how ambivalent it is about nearly everything and yet at it’s heart remains a good fantasy novel true to many of the conventions of the genre. The rightful King – Constable Carrot – literally brings out the best of everyone he meets, and his example (combined with a disappearing dragon) allows Captain Vimes to break out of his drunken stupor into the hero Discworld fans all know. It’s therefore hard to take all the jokes at the monarchy’s expense seriously when all the way through the book, when throughout the book Pratchett ends up stressing the importance of institutions and ceremonies in everyday living, something that he will come back again in later books. Ultimately the reader comes away with a strong feeling that the things that structure our collective matter, and that even the humble City Watch – so often mocked in low fantasy – are worthy of dignity and respect, and maybe, just maybe, good’s triumph over evil will last. “Perhaps it wouldn’t. But then, what does?” (p. 412)

*Carrot is probably oblivious to the fact that he’s the rightful King in Guards! Guards! This certainly becomes more ambiguous in future Watch Books but as far as I can remember Pratchett never has him explicitly speak about his royal lineage. 

**It’s hard to know whether this is Pratchett’s authorial stance, by itself it may just be the Patrician being more cynical then Vimes, but when Vimes in later stories (most notably Thud!) and Granny Weatherwax both also basically see themselves as evil people doing good it’s hard not to see the Patricians comment about there only being bad people, “but some of them are on opposite sides” (p. 391) as part of the wider Pratchettian worldview. There’s surely an essay to be had on how this interacts with his re-enchantment of ordinary life AND his well-known humanist beliefs but that’s not a book review but a whole book! (This might seem like a long footnote, but would any review of Pratchett's work be correct if they didn't have multiple long footnotes?)

 

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If you managed to get down here - congratulations, it means you've read my first review of the year. Hopefully you've enjoyed it, as I'm planning to write a review of every book I read in 2024 as a way of getting back into the way of regular writting. Based on my "to read" pile this might prove an interesting experiment, especially as there's definitely a few books I'm probably woefully underqualified to talk about!  And of course, if you like anything you've read today don't forget to like, retweet, comment etc!

All quotations come from Terry Pratchett (1989) Guards! Guards! London: Corgi Books